This year (I’m sure along with many other) I wanted to find me. The me lost beneath the dishes, and trips to school. The me, who started this voyage as a wife, a mother, and business owner. The me who got stuck underneath the never ending list of things that needed to be done. She was lost. She wasn’t here. The me who loved to laugh so loud people would stare. The me who didn’t care what people thought but lived for the moment she was in. She was lost inside of me. Begging to be freed. She wanted to dance. Maybe stay out late some nights during the year with her girlfriends.

Don’t get me wrong I love mom me. I love wifey me. But I also love ME. The beautiful free spirit who got me to where I am today. The free spirit who found the most amazing man to make this amazing life with. That girl was lost for so long. Not under anything bad, she was just stuck under everything that had to take priority. The 9 months of being pregnant (x3 in a 5 year span), the year or two of nursing after being pregnant. The amount of time I spent away from those beautiful babies to pursue my dream of owning a business.

Nothing says mom guilt like having a baby and working a job (why is this even a thing).

So much of myself has grown during that time but it also lost the me while doing so. The fun loving girl who my husband fell in love with.

I like to think everyone comes into our lives for a reason during different seasons of our lives. We always have our life long friends but we also have people who stay for a short time, maybe just to show us things we needed to know or things to needed to grow.

I really want to take this year to focus on me. And no, not because this is some New Years resolution (I actually really loathe these as I think you can make change whenever you damn well want to). But because this started at the end of the year.

A dear friend of mine sent me

This beautiful saying that was written (which is where all of these words Are really stemming from). It’s about doing things for you. Because all this time you’ve been doing it all for everyone else, which is what being a parent means. Yet it also changes when your baby reaches toddlerhood. When they don’t “need” mom every second. When you’re finally done having children and ready for the next season of life. Why some people view this as selfish I’ll never know. But it’s so important to have things for you. You are not just a wife and a mother..... YOU are you underneath it all. The woman who craves happiness and self fulfillment. The woman who needs to have time to herself to make sure she is happy in order to really feed everyone else’s needs.

So this year....I’m doing yoga a few times a week. I’m hiring a babysitter to run a few miles alone on the trail lost in my music. I’m having girls nights out where we love each other and have a dance party every so often. I’m getting my hair done and I’m fucking dating the shit out of my husband. I’m taking time for me, to be a better me. Because she deserves it, and my family deserves a happy wife and mother.

So here’s to 2020.... here’s to me, and here’s to you!